Birthday Bash
by vanillageex
Summary: things get crazy when shinee decide to throw a surprise party for key. things get crazier when exo joins in.


Key was the first to wake that morning, as usual, but that particular morning, he woke up with an eager grin and pulled himself out of his warm sheets and bounced straight onto the leader's mattress on the floor beside his and Minho's bunk.

"Wake up!" he shrieked, jumping noisily on the mattress. "Come on! Get up!"

Onew only moaned and turned to lie on his stomach and Key, annoyed with the lack of attention he was getting on that specific day, crossed his arms tightly over his chest and huffed. "Onew hyung, get up."

"Shut up," came Jonghyun's half-asleep slur from the top bunk.

"I need my sleep, you dimwit," added Minho, who was sleeping on the other bunk above Taemin.

Key understood why Minho was so moody. The poor boy, along with the new music video's choreography and rap to master, had been given the lead role of the new drama, and had been getting the least amount of sleep of the five boys. But that day, that special day, was different to the rest. He had to know that day, the boys had to know that day, everyone had to know that day. But the fact that no one –not even his dear bandmates– seemed to care that that day was the day Key turned 22 was irritating him. An irritated Kim Kibum was not a pretty sight.

He stamped his foot on the soft mattress, clenched his hands into tight fists and bellowed, "WAKE UP YOU JERKS. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY."

Said, and four pillows were mercilessly hurled his way, leaving Key with no choice but to sulk into a fresh batter of chocolate cake (his super-secret, super-special, super-chocolatey chocolate cake, with low-fat buttermilk frosting and chocolate ganache in the middle and hot chocolate syrup and strawberries on top).

As expected, Taemin shot out of the bedroom an hour later as Key pulled the perfect creation out of the oven, and, as expected, he asked, "Cake, umma?"

Taemin's efforts were ignored by his mother, as Key had already decided as he cracked his first egg into the bowl that he would not ever, under no circumstances, no way in hell, under any condition, 150% never share his cake with anyone in the dorm.

Key's efforts were ignored when Taemin raised his fist to cheek and said in his that damn adorable little boy voice, "Bbuing bbuing?"

As Key cut up an especially large slice for the now smirking maknae, he cursed Tao for teaching Taemin his evil way of life.

"How come Taemin gets to have cake in the morning?" Jonghyun muttered into his bowl of instant oats. "I want cake."

"Taemin woke up an hour before you jerks did," Key replied, purposefully talking with his mouth full to insure he was rubbing the chocolatiness of the chocolate cake into everyone's faces. Everyone except Taemin, who had already inhaled his third slice like the evil mastermind slash Satan's child he was.

"Pfft, if I had his oversensitive nose I'd be up too," Jonghyun grumbled.

Onew rolled his eyes and bit into his toast. "Stop complaining, Jonghyun-ah. We did wake up very late, and Manager-hyung will be here any moment to—"

"Manager-hyung won't be coming today. He gave us a day off because today's special, remember?"

The boys turned to Key, who was chewing the last of his strawberries very, very slowly. He took his time swallowing, giving them time to remember, and when they didn't he growled under his breath, "You do know what day it is today… right?"

"…Sunday?" guessed Jonghyun.

"Yeah, and what's the date?" Key urged.

The puppy-faced singer eyed the calendar hanging on the fridge door before answering hesitantly, "The… 23rd?"

"…" said Key.

"…" said Jonghyun.

"…" said Minho.

"…" said Taemin.

"…" said Key.

"What?" whined Jonghyun.

"I'll be in the studio if you need me. And you probably don't, so, bye." With that, Key snorted haughtily, dumped his plate into the sink and left the kitchen, ignoring the baffled expressions that were drilling into his back as he stormed off.

Onew waited for the door slam to sigh and face the other members. "We screwed up already waking up late. We need to do something for Key's birthday."

"Count me out," muttered Jonghyun, reaching out for the cake platter. Taemin instantly smacked his hand with his fork and Jonghyun withdrew, sulking. "I already spent 350000 won on his stupid pants."

"We could surprise him with a cake," offered Minho, and turned to the freshly made cake—or what was left of it; Taemin swallowed the last slice and his face broke out into a broad grin. "Cake?"

Onew sighed heavily again. "We'll buy one from the local bakery."

"Yeah, and where are you gonna get the money?" asked Jonghyun. "They're expensive, you know."

There was a moment's silence, then Onew said, "We'll make him a cake, then."

"How many eggs are we meant to put in this again?" yelled Jonghyun over the whirring of the mixer.

"YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO OVERBEAT IT!"

Jonghyun blinked, and Minho rushed over and yanked the mixer's plug out of its socket. He groaned when he peeked inside the bowl. "You pabo, there's nothing left in this."

"Onew-hyung said to mix it though…"

"ONEW-HYUNG. CAN YOU FIND SOME MORE CAKE MIXTURE FOR US?"

Onew stumbled in from the bedroom, his arms filled with various decoration packets and dropped them onto the couch. "What do you mean, more mixture? What happened to the other one?"

"Jonghyun screwed it up."

"Oh, Jonghyun."

"I didn't mean to," wailed Jonghyun.

Minho pushed him towards the couch, where Onew tossed him a balloon packet and muttered something along the lines of "Make yourself useful," and sauntered over to the kitchen to search for fresh ingredients.

A while later, he pulled out a familiar white bottle from the fridge and took off the cap, and was about to pour it into the bowl when he paused and took a long sniff. "This… this is off milk!" he shrieked, holding it an arm's distance from himself.

"No, hyung, it's goat's milk," replied Minho, who was helping Jonghyun with the balloons. ("I can't tie these damn things! Help me, Onew-hyung!") "It's the healthier choice, so Manager-hyung bought that for us."

"It smells awful!" Onew took a swig of the said milk, and instantly spat it out into the sink. "And it tastes likewise!"

"Taemin said you could get rid of the taste by mixing it with banana flavouring," offered Minho, then reconsidered, "But then again, it wouldn't be much of a cake…"

Onew already had the banana flavouring and was emptying out half the small, yellow bottle.

"Maybe you should go easy on the flavouring, Onew-hyung. Taemin wouldn't be too happy if you finished—"

"Speaking of Taemin, where is that brat?" cut in Jonghyun, letting go of his balloon and watching it jet through the room with childish amusement in his eyes.

Onew and Minho answered simultaneously. "Distracting Key."

"Ke~ey-hyung!"

Taemin barged into the studio, his hair dishevelled from running through the endless corridors in the SM building.

Key was expecting the rest of the members rush in, preferably with a nice big cake and presents to shower him with, but when Taemin shut the door and doubled up to catch his breath, his hope simmered down and eventually faded into nothingness.

"Heya Key-hyung," Taemin said when he finally caught his breath and straightened up.

"Hi…" Key gave him a funny look, the same one mothers give their children when the kids come running up to them with 'I-love-you-mummy's and cuddles when all they're really trying to do is try to cover up the fact they just broke Umma's favourite vase. "What's up?"

Taemin shrugged, keeping in mind not to be too casual, but not to give away the surprise the boys were supposedly creating back at the dorms. "Oh, nothing," he said cheerfully. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out for some coffee with me."

Key continued to look at him sceptically, until the younger added, "My treat."

"Leggo."

"WHY IS ALL THE STUFF IN THIS DAMN KITCHEN SO HEALTHY?" Onew emptied cupboard after cupboard in frantic search of some proper, common ingredients for the new batch of cake.

"Because… we have a diet?" said Jonghyun, pulling out the streamers from the packet (Minho had officially banned him from touching the balloons moments ago).

"Diet shmiet!" Onew plonked down on the floor and tossed his head back. "How does Key do it?" he wailed, and Minho had to walk over and pat his back reassuringly for him to calm down.

"I think he has a hidden stash somewhere, like under his bed or in a secret, loose board." Jonghyun's eyes brightened as he continued. "Hey! Let's play Find Key's Ingredients! We'll all be detectives, just like in Sherlock! I'm so curious, yeah!"

Minho resisted the urge to smash the apparently older boy.

"I'm gonna go to the Kris's dorm. Maybe they have some proper ingredients," said Onew, bolting up.

"Me too," said Minho quickly, but Onew turned around and the two boys swore they saw lasers fly out of Onew's eyes as he replied, "No."

He then stormed out of the dorm.

"I thought Key was the only one who could do that," whispered Jonghyun, and this time Minho didn't hold back, bonking the other hard over the head.

Jonghyun wasted no time in throwing the ball of streamers at the rapper, and he dodged it with ease. Eyes flaring, Jonghyun picked up the nearest packet – it was full to the brim with balloons, and was open – and hurled it at Minho. The balloons inside fluttered out and Minho, now smirking, rushed behind the table. He picked up the streamer ball Jonghyun had previously thrown at him, tossed it in the air and muttered before throwing it back, "This is war."

"Taemin?"

"Yes?"

"That's the fourth donut you've had all afternoon. You do realise that those glazed donuts are 200 calories each, and before you know it you'll be bringing five babies into the world…in one go."

Taemin finished off the last of his banana-flavoured donut and grinned between bitefuls. "Silly umma, I can't give birth."

Key rolled his eyes. "It's sarcasm, Taeminnie. It means you'll get fat if you continue eating those things."

His words fell on deaf ears. Taemin nodded absently and called a waiter over, ordering another three donuts plus a second milkshake while Key watched him with wide eyes.

"Do you realise that's about 1400 ca—"

"Umma," Taemin raised his tall milkshake cup so the straw reached his lips and sucked out what was left on the bottom. "Live a little, Key-umma. Calories can be burned, you know."

"Through exercise. Through long, painful exer—"

Key never had a chance to finish his sentence, because a bus happened to roll by. The bus happened to be showcasing a large poster, and the poster happened to be of—

"HOLY SHIT TAEMIN LOOK GUCCI IS HAVING A SALE COME ON LET'S GO."

"I didn't even know you were into—"

"GET UP YOU LAZY ASS THEY'LL RUN OUT OF ALL THE GOOD STUFF."

Then it hit Key.

His pockets were empty.

"TO THE DORMS. NOW."

The last thing Kris was expecting as he opened the dorm door was to find a red-faced, obviously annoyed Onew waiting on the other side. He was even more surprised when Onew asked for milk, eggs, flour, vanilla and sugar.

"Uh, you guys cooking or something, hyung?" he asked.

Onew growled and muttered something inaudible under his breath, then added in a louder voice, "Don't ask. It's Key's birthday and we're trying to make a cake. 'Trying' being the key word."

Xiumin's head popped out from behind Kris's shoulder. "Oh, hey Onew-hyung!" he greeted, smiling.

"Hey Xiumin. Do you, by any chance, have…"

He rambled on the ingredients, knocking them off with his fingers. Xiumin cocked an eyebrow. "You're making a cake? For Key?"

Onew nodded miserably.

"Well then, we could always bake it here," offered Xiumin.

"Hey, who's in charge here?"

"Sorry Kris-hyung. Can we bake Key's birthday cake? Please?"

Kris glared at Xiumin. Xiumin glared at Kris. Kris's eyes widened when Xiumin's cheeks slowly and creepily inflated until Xiumin looked like he was hiding buns in each of his cheeks.

"Oh god, just do it. Just as long as you never, ever do that again."

As Xiumin pulled Onew inside, he smirked. "He's a sucker for aegyo."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

A shower of coloured missiles came falling all around Commander Jonghyun, who dodged them with extreme dexterity and expertise. He did a double roll and sought refuge behind a large, soft boulder. His hand instantly went to his pocket and he gasped when he found that he was almost out of bombs. He pulled out the last one – a green one, his lucky colour – and kissed it before pulling its string towards the enemy. With a loud bang, its contents shot out at his foe.

Commander Jonghyun listened carefully for any sound or sudden movement. Sensing nothing, he slowly crept out from his shelter, ready to announce his victory.

Unfortunately for him, his enemy had outsmarted him. The moment he stepped foot onto the battlefield, the enemy shot his own grenade onto Jonghyun's face.

He fell backwards and his screams mingled with the cruel laughs of the frog-faced alien.

"Do you give up?" it sneered.

"Never!" yelled Jonghyun, grabbing a half-inflated balloon and throwing it at the alien. It bounced off his chest harmlessly and it laughed.

"Give up," it said.

Jonghyun slowly pushed his hand into his pocket, praying for another grenade, but luck was not on his side. He was cornered by the merciless alien—he had lost.

"I'm out of party poppers," he said, slowly rising.

Minho checked his pockets to find that he too shared the same fate. Then reality hit him – and his shorter friend – and they looked around them slowly.

The auburn of the timber flooring had disappeared under the colourful carpet of streamers, balloons and used firecrackers. The bottles and packets Onew had pulled out from the kitchen cupboards were knocked over and food was leaking everywhere. Clothes lay all over the furniture. The place was a glorious mess.

The boys gulped.

"This is your fault!" shrieked Jonghyun, turning to point an accusing finger at Minho.

"Don't blame me for your crap!" shot back Minho, pushing his hand away.

"You started it!"

"You continued it!"

Brrrr. Brrrr.

Both heads turned towards the kitchen counter, where Minho's cell was loudly vibrating. The rapper picked it up and answered the call. "Yobosayo?"

"Minho-hyung! I don't know if I can hold him back any longer! He saw a Gucci poster and now he wants to go there!"

"Take him then?"

"His wallet… it's at home and you know how Key-hyung always hides his wallet."

Minho cursed under his breath and turned to Jonghyun. He did a slicing motion to his neck and mouthed, we're dead, and Jonghyun stilled.

"Get him to borrow some money off Suho then!"

"Exo K aren't here!"

"Try Kris!"

"Oh, okay."

Minho threw his phone at the couch and turned to a now pale Jonghyun. "Game's over. You restart that cake, I'll clean. Actually wait, no. I'll bake, you clean."

"How come I have to clean when you started the whole thing?"

Minho's eyes narrowed dangerously at the older boy and he growled in an especially deep voice, "Because I said so."

Jonghyun decided not to push it.

"Now we wait," announced Xiumin, pushing the cake into the preheated oven with a triumphant expression on his face.

Onew smiled his bunny grin for the first time all day. "Thanks, Xiumin. I owe you one."

"No one made me a birthday cake," muttered Chen, who was sulking on the counter chair—deliberately on the one right across Xiumin. The latter rolled his eyes and blew flour onto Chen's face, and he wiped it off, scowling.

"Do I smell cake?" asked Tao as he walked into the kitchen, a stuffed panda tucked under his arm.

"Yes, it's cake, no, you can't have any."

"But Xiumin-ge…"

"No."

Tao raised his fist to his cheek. "Bbuing bbuing?"

"No," said Xiumin, gathering the used ingredients and picking them up, "Your aegyo doesn't work on me. Go fool Kris."

"I heard that!" came Kris's cry from the lounge room.

"Are we having a party?" asked Lu Han as he entered the room with Lay.

Onew nodded, and Lu Han's eyes shone. "Can we invite Sehun-ah? Please?"

"Are you sure this is what it's meant to look like?"

Minho and Jonghyun stared at what was meant to be the birthday cake and had turned out to be black, strange-smelling, goo-like dough standing unsteadily on a platter.

"It's gluten free, wheat free, nut free, dairy free and GM free," said Minho, scanning his eyes over the variety of ingredients he had used.

Jonghyun waited for the taller boy to turn around to break off a piece from the corner and pop it into his mouth. He chewed for a moment, then spat it out into his palm.

"And evidently sugar free, too, you idiot," he said, reaching out for a cup. He turned on the cold tap to the maximum, filled the cup until it overflowed and chugged down the liquid in a matter of moments.

"Too much flavouring and not enough sugar…" Jonghyun turned to glare at the 'cake', "…you did put sugar, right?"

"Of course I did," snapped Minho, holding up a bag of miniscule, white crystals. "What's this meant to be?"

Jonghyun snatched the bag from Minho's hands and dipped his finger into the white stuff. He withdrew his hand and licked his finger, then dropped it to swallow another cup of water. Its contents spilled everywhere.

"Pabo! That's salt!"

"…damn it."

"Taemin, I need my wallet! Let me through."

Taemin shook his head quickly and leaned on the café door, pouting. "No! Get your wallet from Kris-hyung's dorm."

"Why the hell would my wallet be at Kris's?" protested Key, temper was rapidly rising. The looks people were giving them were bad enough, and he knew within a matter of moments a fan would notice them and hell would break loose. If Gucci ran out of those super sexy crocodile-skin belts he was after for months, Key would ignore the fact that Taemin was his dongsaeng and… and he would go to hell for the torment Taemin would go through at his hands.

"Because…" Taemin racked his brain for all the things Key liked. Pink and mint. Clothes. Katy Perry. Designer brands. Food. His hair… his hair!

"Because Kris-hyung just got a new bottle of L'Oreal's new shampoo and he said he couldn't wait to share it with you," the baby-faced, innocent maknae lied shamelessly.

He didn't have to say anymore. Upon hearing the words 'L'Oreal's new shampoo', Key perked up instantly and grabbed the younger boy by the hand. "To Kris's" he declared, marching out of the café and back towards the SM building.

Xiumin pushed a drooling Tao away from the oven ("Lay, hold him, will you?") before pulling open its door. A lovely, chocolatey aroma filled the room, and the Exo M members – plus Onew – melted into happy blissfulness.

"It's per~fect," sang Xiumin, pulling it from the oven.

"Let me taste! Let me taste!" shrieked the maknae, and Lu Han strained to hold the over-excited panda back.

"Lay! Give me a hand here!"

"But I can't find my glasses! Has anyone seen my gla—"

"Lay!"

Lay and Lu Han dragged a wailing Tao out of the room before Xiumin placed the cake onto the counter. A lovely spiral of steam rose from its centre and curled into a heart before fading and Xiumin sighed, content. "Did I already say it's perfect? It's perfect."

"And very late," Onew added. "We have to decorate it quick, I don't think poor Taemin can distract Key any longer."

"Why aren't Jonghyun and Minho helping out?" asked Chen as he picked at his nails, and Onew's expression morphed into one of horror as he remembered.

"Oh… no."

"I think this is a bad idea."

"You think? That's a good change—you should do that more often."

Jonghyun hit Minho's arm and frowned. "Shut up, you cocky bastard. If we as much as scratch this kitchen, Key will kill us."

Both boys looked around at the kitchen—what was left of the streamers and balloons lay on the floor, flour and salt and other various foods had spilled everywhere, the cupboards were emptied out and bottles and containers littered the counter.

Minho parted his lips to say something arrogant when his phone vibrated again. This time, the caller was not the innocent maknae, but rather, the leader. Not wasting a second, he pushed the answer button.

"Where are you, hyung? We've been waiting for—"

"We've made the cake, and we'll bring it over in half an hour or so."

Minho let out a huge sigh of relief and signalled a thumbs up to Jonghyun, who tossed his head back and mouthed yes. "O-Okay, hyung."

"And don't forget to— Key?!"

Shampoo, shampoo, shampoo, L'Oreal shampoo, sweet-smelling, beautiful L'Oreal shampoo. Key thought of all the different scents the new shampoo could be as he dragged Taemin to the Exo M dorm. Kiwi? Nah, they have that. Orange and peach, maybe? Or vanilla and chocolate, with a touch of passionfruit and pearberry? Or… wait, is that chocolate cake?

Key stopped abruptly in his tracks and jerked Taemin to a halt. He sniffed deeply. "Taemin, do you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

"Cake. Chocolate… chocolate cake."

Without bothering to knock, Key barged in with Taemin in tow, and stilled immediately when he found Xiumin fawning over a cake and Onew on the phone.

"Key?!"

"Cake?"

Key rushed to the cake sitting on the counter and gasped when he saw the icing.

Happy Birthday Key!

"I think something really bad happened."

"You happened."

Jonghyun growled but turned back his head towards the door. "Seriously. I think something really, really bad happened."

"Want to go to Kris's place and check it out?"

As much as Jonghyun hated to agree with the tall rapper, he knew there was no other choice but to go along with his suggestion. So, swallowing his pride, he nodded weakly.

"Hey, should we clean up before we go?"

The boys scanned their gazes around them, then turned to face each other and shrug simultaneously. "Nah."

The party, that's what the Exo-M boys and SHINee decided to call it, turned out pretty well. Lay forgot where he had put the party decorations left over from Chen's birthday so they ended up cranking the volume of their stereo to make up for the lack of décor.

Taemin challenged Lay to a dance competition. Tao did a Wushu demonstration (Xiumin had to bribe him with an extra slice of cake for it). There was karaoke, which everyone participated in, except Kris (he had slunk into his room and locked the door before any of the members had a chance to ask). Lay demanded a rematch. The spectators got exhausted watching the pair perform whatever they possibly, humanely could for a few extra points. Kris stayed in his room until Tao bbuing-bbuinged him out, and then he sat sulkily at the couch drawing… something… on a napkin.

"What's that, hyung?" Luhan asked, genuinely curious.

Kris glared at the napkin for a moment, then scrunched it up. "Koala." (A/N: only australiasians will get this one, sorry xD)

Key and Xiumin exchanged cake recipes. Tao and (a very sweaty) Taemin sat in a corner, teaching each other various aegyo. Xiumin could have sworn he saw Kris lightly raise a half-hearted fist to his cheek in a failed attempt at the art of bbuing bbuing. He helped himself to a second slice of cake, cringing at the memory.

Things got hectic when Exo-K arrived. Apparently, Luhan had somehow informed Sehun that there was a party and in turn the maknae had persuaded their manager to allow them the rest of the day off to celebrate. They brought bubble tea. Lots of bubble tea. Enough bubble tea to cause two certain tapioca-filled-flavoured-tea-loving nutcases, plus a cheerful bunny leader, to completely lose it and sing Gangnam Style as loud as their lungs allowed them. (A/N: I have no evidence Onew actually likes bubble tea or Gangnam Style, but for this crackfic's sake he likes both)

Key and Baekhyun were too engrossed in their deep and meaningful conversation about eyeliner and other beauty products to care. Chen took all the derp photos his memory card accepted. D.O gave a half-hour analysis about the texture of the icing and Xiumin enthusiastically took notes. An unsatisfied Lay rechallenged Taemin to a third and final dance match. Kai joined in.

Kris ended up having a hissy-fit because Chanyeol had slipped some of the cake icing into his pot of hand lotion and Minho ended up challenging a high-off-bubble-tea Luhan for a game of indoor soccer.

Jonghyun bet five bucks Minho was going to lose. Jonghyun lost five bucks.

Someone – probably Suho – finally regained their senses and stood on the table, loudspeaker in hand.

"YAH! ALRIGHT, PARTY'S OVER. CALM THE HELL DOWN."

Seventeen heads turned to an agitated Suho, who sighed.

"Guys, we're getting out of control. The SNSD noonas just knocked on the door and asked us to keep it down. Apparently they need their beauty sleep."

Upon hearing the words 'SNSD noonas', Baekhyun perked up.

"No, Baekhyun, they're long gone."

Said, and Baekhyun's shoulders slumped. Chanyeol patted his back soothingly.

Suho sighed again and lowered the loudspeaker—he didn't need it anymore. "I think we've had enough fun for one day, no?"

"Heheheheheh, Thuho-hyung's kicking you all out, thuckers."

"No… well… yeah. Yes I am. Get out of our dorm, you punks."

"Hey! We're your sunbaes!"

"Taemin, half of us are older than you."

"I'm still your sunbae!"

"Technically, this is _our_ dorm, and you can't kick someone out of their dorm. _We're_ kicking _you_ out."

"Go Krease!"

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT UNTIL YOU'VE PURCHASED ME A NEW POT OF SAKURA DANCING LIMITED EDITION BB CREAM YOU HEAR."

"Har har."

It wasn't until the boys parted into their respective groups that Suho spotted him.

"WHO THE HELL INVITED PSY?"

"Well that went well."

Taemin, Minho and Jonghyun nodded. Onew, who was still under the heavy influence of chicken bubble tea (no one even knew that flavour existed—frankly, it didn't until someone pointed out there was frozen chicken in the freezer) only slurred, grinning stupidly.

It wasn't until the SHINee boys were a few hundred feet from their dorm door that Key noticed it. He stilled for a moment, sniffing experimentally.

"Hey guys… Is something… burning?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"OH SHIT," came Minho and Jonghyun's cries at the same time, but it was too late.

Key had already swung the door open, his eye size enlarging by the second until he had passed D.O by a mile.

"YOU IDIOTS ARE GOING TO D I E."

A/N: hehehhehehehehehheheh lovechild of too many cartons of chocolate milk, EXO and SHINee playlist and crack


End file.
